The Box
Welp. It’s panic-o-clock.
I’ve been spam-refreshing refurbished computers and… Today, after having to restart my software twice DURING the stream, AND having spent half an hour at the start of stream having to fix the damn thing… She was there.
The machine.
The exact model I need.
The computer is on the way.
So now I’m panicking and rapidly creating merchandise for Pride month as well as shitting out commissions as fast as I can.
All I can think is
“Fuck. How am I going to afford this?”
So now I’m shitting out as much work as I can and STILL panicking
I am cognitively aware that if I maintain my current rate, I can afford this computer.
But, having that knowledge does not mean I believe it.
I have… So many things I want to do. More things I need to do.
The guilt of buying a computer that will let me work when I still have oodles of medical debt that other people are paying right now, the guilt is absolutely nauseating. I am cognitively aware that the machine will let me get more work done faster, but I don’t really believe it in my heart, not all of me.
So for now… Make all the things. Allllll the things. And gods I need more energy when I stream, I faded today.
All I can think of right now is, “What happens if I fail, now, at this stage?” I am cognitively aware that I am likely blowing things out of proportion. But again, the feelings are different.
Whelp. Sink or swim, I guess.
Sink or swim.
Commissions
Just like when I started, commissions start at $69. I should finish current ones by the weekend.
Twitch Subscriptions
I don’t make that much off subs, but I am over halfway to getting paycheck from Twitch, which is cool.
Events
I need to plan out Pride and my first subathon.
Goals
At bare minimum, I need to find another two hundred bucks before those first payments are due for the computer.
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