LOVENOTE Dildo Review
Behold, my first product review!
Some have expressed surprise that I’m not doing a video game or art supplies. To be fair, those will probably get reviews as well. But honestly sex works pays more of my bills than either of the other two, so let’s start with one of these.
This post contains affiliate links. Products linked cost nothing more to you, but I do get a cut of the spoils when you use these links to shop.
When this dildo first arrived,
All I could think was, “There’s no way that’s going to fit.”
This box was HUGE. As a 4’0″ goblin, size does matter sometimes, and this box was just… Well. Here’s a tissue box for comparison.
But you can’t say it wasn’t discreet. None of my neighbors had a clue what had arrived at my door. I hurried the delivery inside out of the summer heat and tried not to think about how hefty the box was.
Fortunately, the contents were a bit more reasonably sized. The box is absolutely gorgeous. A glossy teal weave with golden embossed letters, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a sex toy with such fancy packaging! The box, I assure you, is squirreled away for future knicknacks as goblins are inclined to acquire. The Amazon box itself I’ve recycled, it’s a bit awkwardly shaped for anything else, and the air bags I’ve tucked away for future shipping.
The contents of the box are as classy as the exterior. Silky violet bag for storage, remote with gold trim, charger, manual, and the toy itself.
Here’s the actual dildo next to the same tissue box I used when comparing the original shipping box. Still not entirely sure how much will fit in me, but waaaaay less scary!
I won’t lie, I stalled over actually trying this monster.
It’s big. And meaty. Just gripping the shaft is enough to make you reconsider your life choices. It moves a little under your touch, the moving parts sliding slightly in your grip.
And I am, frankly, a coward.
So I stalled.
When I finally gathered my wits about me, I realized it didn’t come charged.
That’s normal enough, but good gods, this has to be in my top 10 worst charging designs of all time, just behind the Apple mouse that required charging on the underside.
The charger is a bit like a traditional USB plug that should magnetically attach to the bottom of the dildo. It is too big for the dildo to stand upright and charge on a table, and the magnet is too weak to hold up its own wire and keep charging.
I wound up settling on a far too elaborate setup where I laid the dildo on a clean surface and propped up the charger with gentle weights to secure it.
Pro: Wireless!
Use it wherever, whenever!
Con: Charging is a Pain
The charger design isn’t ideal, and it will take some fiddling to get it to charge without getting dirty.
If you have a separate charger for another toy with a flat charging port, use that instead. I will be using that in the future for sure.
The remote does come with its own battery, and it hasn’t died on me yet.
I did not charge it in its lovely bag out of fear of overheating; I melted a phone that way once.
Next, I cleaned it.
The big downside of skin-like silicone toy texture is that it collects dust/fur/bits like nothing else. After fighting to charge it, it already had little bits on it, so I washed it. You’ll need more water than you think if there’s anything clinging to it, like with all silicone toys.
Seeing no easy way to dry it without risking further dust collection, I opted to use the suction cup on my bathroom mirror. It stayed up for 48 hours and I cackled every time I passed the bathroom and saw this massive monster hanging out. Very satisfied with the suction cup, though I lament I cannot use it as a coat rack if it ever dies.
Alright. Enough stalling.
After some debate about whether to use it as a strap on or to use it on myself, I finally took the toy for a test drive.
When I first powered it on, my eyes boggled. This thing moves. Intimidation +5.
As expected, it did not fit at first. I had a full-on laughing fit in the bed.
This is absolutely a toy you need to work up to, warm yourself up and make sure you’re well lubricated before actually attempting to insert. I started with a wand and worked up to insertion.
The thrusting dildo does exactly what it’s supposed to do. It’s soft to the touch like skin and firm inside. You can control the thrusting modes either by a button on the toy or via remote. It gives a little when you climax, and you can absolutely overwhelm the mechanics if you do your kegels, but it works exceedingly well as a dildo with good building motions.
I highly recommend warming yourself up and then taking this beast to your bath or shower for an extra fun time.
Summary: 9/10
Overall, this is an excellent addition to any sex toy collection looking for a moderately powered, fairly beefy dildo with reasonable suction cup hold. It’s a good stepping stone into remote controlled dildos and electronic toys in general, especially if you already have unpowered dildos you use regularly. The “cons” to this toy are reasonably managed, and those cons are on par with similar toys; you’re getting what you expect. Personally, I’m a liiiiittle tight down there, so I’ll likely save this to strap down other partners, but it is awfully fun to handle.
Pros
- A.E.S.T.H.E.T.I.C. packaging
- Wireless (hellllooooo camping toy)
- Skin-Like Feel
- MEATY
- Good for size queens
- Solid suction cup
- Fits general “large dildo with thrusting” requirements
Cons
- Annoying to charge (fixable with separate charger)
- Requires ample “room” inside you
- Clean often (as all silicone toys)
- Mechanisms can be overpowered if charge is low and you do your kegels
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